Dylan vs. Jennifer
It had to happen......eventually. Beacon Hill's (and Boston's) most beloved resident, Dylan Harper takes Boston's most HATED resident, Jennifer Barrett, to task for her incredible ridiculousness, with some much needed assistance from Libby Atchison. *Disclaimer: Some language might not be suitable for children. Scene Outside of Dylan's townhouse. Derek is working on his Latin homework, when all of a sudden, Jennifer Barrett storms up to the steps of the house. Derek stiffens, and is understandable. Judging from the look of anger on his usually caring face, it is clear that he hates her, as does most of everyone in the Harper circle. DEREK: What do YOU want? JENNIFER: Do you mind?! You are supposed to worship me! DEREK: Go away! JENNIFER: Well, well, well! Are you working on another article to discredit me?! DEREK: Please! Just you out walking around Beacon Hill is enough to discredit the place! JENNIFER: You dare to say I discredit the place! DEREK: Yeah, I do! You discredit ANYWHERE you are! JENNIFER: You stupid little bastard! You will pay for mocking your betters! DEREK: Look in the mirror in the morning, lady! The insult is the face in the reflection! JENNIFER: Damn you! You will speak to me in reverence! DEREK: I don't have to! You are an egotistical bitch! I am warning you, lady, you get out of here, and get out of my face! JENNIFER: You speak to me in respect! DEREK: Again, I say, no I do not! Get the hell away from my house! (Enter Dylan, Derek's dad) DYLAN: Don't you worry about that woman, son. You just go inside. I'll deal with her myself. DEREK: Ok, Dad. I am about finished with my homework. DYLAN: Good lad. Have Amelia bring you a snack when you get in. DEREK: All right, Dad. Is Bryan around? DYLAN: He can help you out if you want. Dinner will be in a couple of hours. DEREK: Thanks, Dad. Where's Dad Adam? DYLAN: He went over to Aunt Victoria's. Something wrong with one of her sinks, I think. He had to call a plumber. He will be back in a moment. DEREK: All right. See ya. And you, Ms. Barrett, get out of here! JENNIFER: You shut up, you stupid brat! DYLAN (enraged): I am going to be succinct with you. You do NOT speak to my son in that manner! JENNIFER (defiantly): I can do ANYTHING I want! DYLAN: Oh no, you don't! Don't you go saying that! You can't do just anything you want! Not around this neighborhood at least! You have no right to try to bully and intimidate anyone in this family! Although, there are more Harpers than others, there ARE others in this neighborhood who do NOT want to see your ugly ass strutting around here with that stupid raggedy old piece of crap that you call a fur coat that you wear! You have no shame! None whatsoever! You think you can act all damned high and mighty, when you really are nothing more than a stupid little slacker, and a no-good miserable slut who poisons everything you touch! You ruined your own marriage! You cheated on your husband, and alienated your son! No wonder Aidan wants nothing to do with you! JENNIFER (screaming): He is MY SON! DYLAN: No, he's NOT! And you know that fact as well as I do, Jennifer Barrett! Aaron told me the whole story and I know for a fact he is not a liar! And by the way, you are NOT ALLOWED on this property! You are breaking the restraining order that was set against you! You are not allowed on ANY Harper property and you damned well know that! Also, you are not supposed to be anywhere near us! To quote you, I think I am just going to have to call the police! You are breaking a restraining order! JENNIFER: I am above the law! I have rights! DYLAN: Not around here you don't! Don't you even TRY to pull that one on me! JENNIFER: I will do whatever I want! And you are too much of a gutless wonder to call the cops! DYLAN: You have underestimated me far too many times, Jennifer Barrett, and I warn you! Underestimate me at your own peril! JENNIFER: You are an airhead and a gutless wonder! And I am also FAR more superior than you ever will hope to be! DYLAN: Why you miserable, pathetic little wretch! I oughta.......!!! (Enter Sheila, a glare on her face!) SHEILA: And YOU are a ridiculous whore! How dare you show up at my BROTHER'S home! JENNIFER: This is a free country! I can come and go wherever I want to, whenever I please! And I don't give a damn shit about what you stupid lot think! This is MY house! SHEILA: The hell it is! This neighborhood doesn't belong to you! JENNIFER (once again lying): Of course it does! This is called "Jennifer's Hill!" And you damn well know it is! SHEILA: Oh, REALLY?! Did the Massachusetts legislature change the name of beacon Hill to Jennifer's Hill? How stupid do you think we really are?! DYLAN (amused): You really ARE bat-shit crazy! I truly have never seen anyone so damned insane and so damned ridiculous at the same time! What kind of world do you LIVE in anyway, lady?! You seem to think that the whole world is yours and only yours! And that the world only lives to worship your narcissistic little ass! You are completely out of what is left of your tiny little mind! JENNIFER (screaming): You think I am insane?! I am TOTALLY sane! I am TOTALLY in complete control! SHEILA (coldly): You are damned evil! That is what you are! JENNIFER: Shut the hell up, you bitch! DYLAN (angry): Don't you EVER call my sister a bitch! JENNIFER (taunting): Bitch! SHEILA: Why you.......! (Enter Libby. She glares at Jennifer) LIBBY (gently to her friends): Sheila, my dearest heart, don't strain yourself. And you neither, Dyl my darling. You two both have had heart scares, and I will NOT allow a heart attack to happen to you two again. Especially at the hands of THIS piece of vermin! Bryan, can you and Amelia get Dyl and Sheila back in the house, please? I'll handle this piece of trash! BRYAN (Dylan's manservant): Yes, Ma'am. Come on, sir, get in and get away from that wicked strumpet. AMELIA (the family housekeeper): Right away, Ms. Atchison. Come along, Madame, you and your brother don't need to be around that wicked woman one more minute. (Bryan and Amelia get Dylan and Sheila in the house. Libby glares at Jennifer) LIBBY: Now, you listen to me, you damned hussy! You were ordered to leave this property at ONCE! And you still haven't complied! You will either leave this property and this neighborhood or I will have the police called on you! JENNIFER: Dylan is such a gutless wonder! Having you to fight his battles for him! (Libby slaps Jennifer in the face!) LIBBY: Damned bitch! You have no shame! You have no call to speak about Dylan in that manner. He is my friend, one of my best friends, and I will not allow you to soil his name! JENNIFER (stunned): You hit me! NOBODY hits me! LIBBY: You colossally stupid woman! One day, and I swear to God that I hope it will be sooner than later, someone will make sure you pay the penalty for your sins! JENNIFER: Never! NEVER! I am better than any one of you! I am better than EVERYONE! (Soon, the police came up!) LIBBY: Officer, I am very glad you are here! I want this woman removed from this premises at ONCE! JENNIFER: This neighborhood belongs to ME! OFFICER: Ms. Atchison is right! You are breaking restraining orders left and right and below the belt! Get OFF this property! JENNIFER: NO! OFFICER: I gave you a direct order! JENNIFER: I defy ANY orders from you! This is MY neighborhood! It is called Jennifer's Hill! OFFICER: Either you remove yourself from these premises right now, or I will use my Taser! JENNIFER: Bull shit, you gutless coward! You have NO right to speak to the regal Jennifer Barrett! I am a world-famous model and everyone loves me! And i will say it again that gutless wonder, Dylan Harper, was a coward to call the police! (The officer shoots her with the Taser! She sinks to the ground, screaming) LIBBY (looking at her hated enemy, triumphantly): You were warned, lady! I told you! JENNIFER: BURN IN HELL! ALL OF YOU! THIS IS MY NEIGHBORHOOD! MINE! ALL MINE! YOU WILL NOT STOP ME! NOBODY WILL STOP JENNIFER BARRETT! NOBODY!!!! I WILL BURN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD DOWN TO GET WHAT I WANT! OFFICER: Take her away! JENNIFER: Get your scummy hands off my regal body! OFFICER: You will pay for this, you wicked woman! JENNIFER: FUCK YOU! OFFICER: I will use the Taser on you again! JENNIFER: FUCK YOU, I SAID! I WILL SUE YOU FOR BRUTALITY! OFFICER: Nobody will believe you. JENNIFER: I said Fuck you! Every man considers me desirable! LIBBY: Ha! You are delusional! No man would touch you with a barge pole! JENNIFER (struggling against the female officer): You damned cow! I will demolish you! I will be the winner! You damn well know that I will demolish you! OFFICER: Get in the car! JENNIFER: Fuck you! OFFICER: Get in the car now, you bitch! JENNIFER (screaming): MAKE ME! (The cop shoves Jennifer in the cruiser) JENNIFER: Get me out of this car! I have things to do! OFFICER: You're going to jail for this! JENNIFER: No, I will NOT! (Enter Linda, Libby's sister who was visiting) LINDA: You lost, you evil whore! Get in that car! JENNIFER: Says who?! LINDA: The officer, you damned whore! JENNIFER: I will be back! Mark my words, you stupid Harpers! I will be BACK! And when I come back, I will destroy you and I will be wearing the loveliest smile on my lovely lips! (Linda, infuriated by Jennifer's arrogance and her egotism, busts the wicked ex-model in the mouth, fattening her so-called "lovely lips"!) LIBBY (amused): Well, I do think your so-called "Lovely Lips" are a bit more FAT now! So, I don't think that lovely smile on your lovely lips will occur! You now have what is called, in the parlance of the common, FAT lips! JENNIFER (her lips swollen, screaming): You will PAY for this! I swear to God, you will PAY for this! You defaced a national treasure! (Libby laughs out loud at this one) LINDA: National Treasure?! Bitch, PLEASE! The Freedom Trail is a national treasure; Beacon Hill is a national treasure; The U.S.S. Constitution is a National Treasure! You are nothing but National TRASH! (Jennifer is seething in rage) JENNIFER (screaming): TRASH?! Call me trash will you?! I am the most beautiful woman in the world! I am NOT trash! LINDA (screaming back): YOU are a damned WHORE! That is what the hell you are! JENNIFER: I am NOT! LIBBY: There is a better word for you! You are a CUNT! JENNIFER: You stupid little NOTHING! I WILL.......! LINDA (angered): You will do NOTHING! You will get in that damned police car, and you will be sitting your damned worthless ass in prison! And you will ENJOY every day you sit your happy ass in prison! You are a miserable little piece of nothing! You are a useless, washed-up has-been who never was! No wonder Aaron hates your damned guts! And no wonder, Aidan wants nothing to do with you! JENNIFER: You will NOT ever say that brat's name in my presence again! LINDA (screaming): THEN LEAVE HIM THE HELL ALONE, YOU DAMNED BITCH! JENNIFER: I would like to see you make me leave him alone! LINDA (in a deadly voice): I would advise you not to trifle with me, bitch! For one thing, I know what kind of evil you are capable of! I am not an evil person, but you push me hard enough, and I will go all commando on your damned ass! JENNIFER: I laugh in scorn at you! LINDA: Do so, at your own peril! JENNIFER: I don't listen to you! LINDA (smiling): Officer, if I may? OFFICER: Certainly. (Linda, wearing the same smile, walks up to Jennifer. She then busts her in the mouth once more, and knocks her to the ground!) LINDA: Looks like I am the one who is wearing the lovely smile on my lovely lips! And where does that leave you, you stupid damned slut?! (The officer grabs Jennifer, and shoves her in the car.) OFFICER: We will see to it that she never bothers you all again! LIBBY: Thank you, officer. OFFICER: My pleasure. (The cops drive off, with the screaming and yelling Jennifer, with her fat lips, going all the way down to Beacon Street) DYLAN (who is with Sheila): Is she gone?! LIBBY: Yes, she is. SHEILA: Good. I want her permanently stopped. LINDA: She will be, Sheila. Someone will teach her a lesson. Sooner or later. (At the city jail, a woman in the same holding cell as Jennifer, grabs her. She slams her against the wall) JENNIFER: Get your hands off me, you stupid cow! WOMAN: Listen to me, Miss Hoity-Toity! I hear that you had your own child raped! I don't like that, lady, I don't like that at all! And I know others will NOT like it! You better watch your step, Model! Or you will find your model perfect features PERMANENTLY marred! (For once in her life, Jennifer is totally petrified, although she tries to pass it off as nothing but nerves.) JENNIFER: Try it, you stupid criminal, and you will be in one HELL of a world of hurt! WOMAN: You don't rule this roost! JENNIFER: Oh, yes I do! Try me! And you will see that I will get my way! WOMAN: I warned you! (The two women then get into a fight, the officers separating Jennifer from the other woman. Jennifer is dragged off screaming and kicking! The scene fades) Category:Episodes Category:Hall of Fame Episodes Category:Episodes featuring Dylan and Sheila Category:Episodes featuring Aaron and Aidan Atherton Category:Catfight episodes